I know we all have our stories. I will share a bit of mine. In May of 2011 I was diagnosed with a benign meningioma brain tumor that was 3mm from my optic nerves, bored into my skull, and resting on my sinuses. It was a tricky little bugger when it came time to get it out. My neurosurgeon was amazing. I am left with only a small scar above my left eyebrow. The neurosurgeon got most of it and the rest was cleared out with the gamma knife. That was a fun experience. As I was on the sliding "couch" and would be placed under the rays, I could hear rice krispie sounds snap, crackling, and popping in my head. The tumor is gone! The recovery took time. I was not right in the head for a long while. I am sure that could be debated as to whether or not I am right in the head now. Brain surgery recovery is slow. The prodding around in that three pound blob of brain with tiny tools messes the flow of things there. I will probably never be quite right as I did lose some memory. I am thankful to be alive and have my vision. The healing, as I was saying, well, the healing took time...a year or more.
June of 2015, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was a lump. A lump that I could see. Once again, I had an amazing team of surgeons, nurse navigators (they help with ANY questions you may have and be sure things are going right), and a wonderful chemo team. I won't go into lengthy detail of the surgeries or chemo treatments. I had 3 surgeries and 20 chemo treatments...some of the most tough chemo you could have. My chemo weaks (yes spelling intentional) were honestly horrible. I was tired all the time. I was weak all the time. I was bald. I forgot what it was like to feel like myself. My family was wonderful dealing with all of this with me. I cried a lot. I cried when I was alone a lot. I talked to God a lot. When I first learned that I had breast cancer my words to my surgeon were, "well what an inconvenience!" I knew I would have months of chemo and I knew I would have all sorts of appointments. My mom and older sister died from breast cancer, so I knew the inconveniences. I made it through all of the surgeries and treatments by prayers and encouragement. Everything started September 23, 2015 and ended June 28, 2016. I say ended. The treatments and surgeries ended. My chemo nurse told me that around six months after chemo (last treatment was March 9, 2016) I would feel like...woo hoo! I couldn't wait for my "woo hoo" moment. It was true. Around six months after chemo, I went up to my husband, grinned in his face and said, "I'm backkkkkk! Are you ready?" He laughed.
Quite honestly, I believe the chemo stuff floats around in your body much longer than 6 months. Possibly it is the psycholigical effect of everything...the surgeries, the chemo, the different tests and the appointments. They all mess with who you are.
"You gave a lot of information and haven't even begun to talk about being renewed yet," you say to me as I plod out my words. True! I did. I had to so that you would sort of know where I am coming from. I am coming from the psyche and soul of a lady who has been through a lot medically(I didn't tell you I could have died from cellulitis April 2013). I am a survivor! That is what my doctor tells me. Great! I am a survivor and I truly thank God for that! But, survival doesn't mean everything is fantastic. No! It simply means, I am well physically. Well "yay!" Physically well is great, don't get me wrong, but my soul and psyche had a long way to go.
To the people around me, I believe I appeared altogether. I was my smiley self. My friendly self. Inside, in my mind and soul and even (it felt like) in my bloodstream, I wasn't myself. Everything felt weighty! Foggy! Blah! It wasn't until recently that I began to feel "lighter" inside. It was similar to an "aha!" moment for the body, mind, and soul but with no "aha!" thought.
My mind is clear! My soul is glad! My bloodstream feels refreshed! I know it sounds strange to include my bloodstream but it is like "ahhh" now. I cannot begin to express in descriptive enough words how renewed I am and feel.
Every day I walk through the day mentally or sometimes physically smiling because everything about me is renewed. The biggest and grandest renewal is my spirit. It is fully renewed and alive! Jesus does that!
I have not even begun to express my full renewal. What I know is that it IS and FEELS amazing! All of me is fully alive and fresh! Light!
Regarding this blog, I have been thinking about what to say here. I have decided to say what I know...my mind. I enjoy being able to simply express...however and whatever! I want to live out my life word! I won't tell it to you because I will show it to you in my writings :)
I am back...but better than prior to my health issues! I am better because of being more aware of things...and I am simply loving this renewal! I tend to get all excited inside! My insides want to burst out...but I often refrain for fear of freaking some people out. So here we go! I get to write and express whatever and use my life word :)
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