I started looking ahead at what was to come next week...Father said..."one day at a time! I don't want you to think about what is to come." Okay! So I am obeying as best as I can. I am enjoying the days that I feel more decent. I am enjoying the sunshine. I am enjoying the songbirds and the cheer in their "tunes".
This is all rather interesting to me. My brain continues to feel like it wants to be active and lively. When I attempt to do something it's like, "yeah no...not really into this." Sometimes even when I sit here to write, my brain is ready but my fingers are at a stand still...then my brain goes into neutral and I stare....stare at the screen in front of me...and then snap out of it.
I have to force myself to think...to concentrate. Reading is more of a chore than I want it to be; whereas writing generally comes naturally here for me. I believe that if I can read, that would fire up the brain synapses and give a charge! I'd have to try it to find out and to try it I have to focus...oh the vicious cycle...but you know what...on good days...days I feel okay inside my body...I do need to focus on reading. I believe that I especially need to focus on bible reading. What better "word" charge my brain!
I want to do so much. In my head I am doing a lot...in my head I am de-cluttering...I am cleaning...I am writing...I am exercising for my lymphatic system on my mini-trampoline...But that is not the reality...for the most part I feel like I am merely existing.
You know, a funny thing...I really don't miss my hair. That's good I think. It's easy just to put on a cute hat. Wigs aren't comfy but I wear those at times. I look at myself in the mirror as I wear a hat...all I can see is the hat, my glasses, and a smile when my lips curve upwards. When the hat is off, I see my baldness. My head isn't cue ball bald. There is a sort of peach fuzz all over where hair once was. I am okay with that. Hey! I don't have to mess with styling hair!
I will admit I miss strength. My muscles aren't like they once were. Each treatment seems to get to them more. Sometimes my knees give in as I walk or stand.
I am not complaining. This is my new normal....feeling weak-ish. Sure, sometimes I tear up as I try to remember what it felt like to have more strength...more sturdiness. Hopefully in time, that will all return to me.
I still cling to the words Father gave me a few months ago....Hope & Trust....and Life & Truth.
I am learning a lot on this adventure. I make the most of even the littlest thing to remember. I take mental pictures of things.Time is so valuable! I need to begin my days with my Inspirational time or the day just goes downhill. Taking time...really taking time for people is important but also taking time for quiet alone time is important...sorting things going on in my life. Choosing to live positive...to speak positive...those things are important. Of course I have my moments but for the most part I am trying to be cheerful and thankful in all things. There is much more I am learning as I am on this adventure. I learn what is really important. People let what I now see as minor things get to them. When I read certain things on Facebook or wherever, I seriously roll my eyes...okay call me a snob or whatever...or sometimes I just sit and laugh and think "are they for real? Seriously!" Some things on Facebook I avoid as I don't want them to waste my time or my mind. I use the scroll and roll :) I try to avoid as much negativity as I can. It isn't healthy for one...and I don't want to waste my precious time with it :) Again, you know me by now and you know I speak my mind here. Well, the bible even tells us to have a cheerful heart and not to grumble or complain...I can't go against God's Word :)
Life and Truth! Jesus is Life and Truth! I am so thankful that He is there to talk with any time! He is my strength! I can't imagine life without Him! I love to give Him thanks and praises! There is such a difference in my life when I do those things.
Again, thank you to those who pray for me and encourage me.
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