~Fallout Has Begun~

I have a break from my  treatments until March 25. I had asked for Mondays when I first began and my dear chemo nurse was able to schedule me for Mondays after I had the first two treatments on Wednesdays. I actually have a 3 week break! Normally it will be two weeks.

Since I have chemo freedom for 3 weeks I was going to ignore my cancer. Sure I have some icky feelings lingering in my body from the chemo but I am mostly able to do activities and think!!! I love to use my brain! Well, I can't ignore the cancer...not totally.

As I was showering and washing my hair the reality of the tough chemo began. My fingers entwined in my hair....that ended up with several strands wrapped around them. I teared up. I knew it would happen but you're never really ready for the fallout. I teared. I said to Father, "God, help me!" I put my hands in my face letting the warm shower water run over it. "God, help me to be able to deal with this again. Please help me emotionally". I wiped the tears and finished showering. After showering, Father and I were talking. Towel wrapped atop my head, I said, "Thank you for the last couple of years that I had hair. Thank you that I was able to have it for my son's wedding. Thank you that back when it started growing in, you answered my vanity prayer. You gave me beautiful straight hair that I could have in any style. Thank you for the style that I have now that I totally love. Thank you for the color I like having. And thank you for my sweet beautician friend who is so gifted with styling hair." My soul and emotional self felt better. Thankfulness, truly being thankful, helps!

I am not sure how long before my hair is going to come out in handfuls. I have a wonderful friend and beautician who has said she is on call for me when it's time to shave me bald. We will both tear up. 

I looked in my dresser drawer where I plan to keep my caps and wigs for easy access. I talked to Father again. I sort of half smiled. "Well, (sigh) this is it. This is where my head pieces will be." I smiled at Him. "You know I want to be strong and go through this like a champ. I will need Your help! I thought I was prepared for this. I'm not so sure. I know You will help me through this. I know it's 'just hair' and I know other people have much more worse things that they are dealing with. God, we will be bald together. I know You will be there to help me emotionally. Thank you!"

I have learned that thankfulness is one of the keys to being able to cope with this cancer thing. Being able to be truly thankful about things. 

I am feeling better. I have energy. I am looking forward to the next three weeks of freedom and hope they go slowly! Oh so slowly :) 

Oh, I must share...yesterday began as a difficult day for me emotionally. Later in the day I had to open the front door as my son uses that door to come in the house from his school bus. I opened the door and there was this box sitting on my porch...I just love how Fed-Ex doesn't even ring a doorbell now ...ha! Anyhow, I brought it inside and opened it after seeing my son in. Oh my goodness!!! It was loaded with wonderful gifts! The truly wonderful thing was that it was from a lady in California who doesn't know me except through my aunt there who has asked a group of breast cancer survivors to pray for me. Inside the box were several things: a lush blanket, a Subway gift certificate for when I feel awful and not wanting to cook, a puzzle book, a beautiful cross, a Bible promise book, and a wide variety of necessary and useful things for a lady going through treatments! My eyes watered. This precious lady doesn't even know me! She wrote a lovely letter and had a nice card along with the items. I thanked God for this lady and for her giving heart of compassion. I really needed this pick-me-up yesterday!

God blesses! I am reminded of that in so many people in my life. I am touched that there are ladies who don't know me who have committed to pray for me. I am touched by my friends who send me cards and texts. I am touched by a dear friend who offers to make me wonderful meals on the days when I am feeling my worst. I am touched when people encourage me to keep writing this blog and tell me how they enjoy reading it...one friend said it's the raw truth like David used to write in Psalms and encouraged me to keep on being my honest self here. 

I will lose my hair soon. As I said, I will cry. Then I remember it will cut my "getting ready" time...no hair to wash, dry, or style. So that is the up-side. I have a friend who has been to Jamaica. She said, "you should wear a hat I bought there. It has dread locks." That would be funny to do! We were laughing about that. Me in dreads! I was hoping to keep my hair for a little longer but I am not so sure. 

So, emotional days are ahead. I still Trust & Hope in  my awesome God. He "gets" me. He cheers me when I go to Him teary-eyed! He gives me strength!

I read something today about being courageous. I never really thought of being courageous during all of this. But you know what? Having courage is being bold, brave, etc...With my God, I can!

YES! I cling to Hope & Trust...Life & Truth! I still pray for total healing! 

I continue on this adventure fully relying on Father and being so thankful for the prayers and encouragement of others.