~Perspective~

Okay...so Father and I have been communicating a lot lately...I have been listening a lot lately...

At the start of this adventure...I had said that I wouldn't let my cancer consume me or be the forefront of my thinking...well...that hasn't been so lately...and Father reminded me of that...

I had the excuse that my cancer has all of these "dates"...treatment dates...PET scan dates...oncology dates...so it was always hanging right out there in front of my face...as a mirror reflecting back at me...

During my Inspirational times I would write in my journal about how I remember before this cancer bit...how I would have this...I am not sure what to call it...real burning desire to really Live Jesus...to be so on fire...my Inspirational times would sometimes last for 2 hours...and now...well they are meaningful times...but something interfered...cancer...chemo...the not feeling like myself so often....so...

Father whispered in my ears..."you let cancer come between us"...Sure I am keeping His promises of Trust and Hope and Life and Truth...but what He is telling me now is to Focus...Focus on Him...

Yes, my cancer exists...but Father is telling me to go about Life in Him...Grow in Him...the appointments are there...just another day...but He is Greater than them...I am to go about Life...living it to the fullest for Him...hmmmm trying to find the words....

I know, I am to go about Living and Growing in Him...to model Him...to be as if there is no cancer in me...to begin every day fresh and ready to spend it focused on Him...

Since this adventure began...I know how precious time and life really is. Every day is honestly a gift...oh that sounds so trite! I wake in the morning thankful for the new day...thankful that I will have time with my husband and son later that day...I take every minute as a gift...it's hard to put into words and I love words and expressing...but going through this adventure puts everything into perspective...some of you "get it"...you have had your own adventures of learning this...

When I am with people...I don't take any of that time for granted...when I am with people...each moment of talking...listening...is meaningful...I don't want to sit and stare at you or make you feel awkward so I keep all of this to myself...but when I am with you...I am soaking it all in...people are important...I may not seem any different to you than before this adventure as we are together...and that is just fine because it means I am not making you uneasy...that is far from what I want to do...and if/when I hug you...I cherish that hug...hold it in my mind...when we laugh together...that time gets trapped in my mind...in its own little compartment...I have learned to treasure even the fragmented moments that I am with someone....I treasure the smiles...the conversation...the silence...simply any time...and I hold it as an imprint on my heart...

So, Father has helped bring things to proper perspective...My focus is to be that Jesus follower I was meant to be...to keep my heart and soul on fire for Him...Keep Him in the forefront...diving into Scripture will definitely keep my mind and heart focused...I am so thankful for His patience with me...so thankful for His unconditional love...thankful that He is Life and Truth and gives me Hope and Trust...

Now I sit here grinning as I think..."oh I don't want cancer to be the elephant in the room"...through talking and listening to Father and reading His word...and if you join me in praying that I will keep things in perspective...my mind, heart, and soul will be free...Free to Live Jesus out Loud!

Thank you again to those of you who pray for me and encourage me. You have no idea what it means to me!