I am later at writing this today as I am pretty tired. I wasn't feeling well this morning so after my son went to school and after I had breakfast I went back to bed for a while...I think I was catching up on my people-y days and lack of night sleep for the past few nights.
When I awoke, I knew I had to get on with the day...showering...my Inspirational time...and a few tasks. I had to force myself to get up. I'd love to have stayed in bed. The Inspirational time is never forced but I did have to get my brain in gear. The other tasks..I knew I needed to do but had to force myself to do them too.
The other night our "kids" (son and daughter-in-law) were over for a wonderful family time. We all enjoyed gabbing about all sorts of things. I sat back smiling and laughing as I watched my husband truly enjoying himself. He was at full throttle belly laughing a few times. It made my heart glad. It has been a long time since I have seen him REALLY laugh! My heart sang a song of joy!
My symptoms from this chemo pill seem to be attacking me sooner. My feet were in pain for a few days. I could walk but not comfortably. I looked up treatments for the issue. They say it isn't neuropathy that I have. My oncologist says it is hands, foot, and mouth. Luckily and I thank God, there are no blisters in my mouth.
What happens is...my fingers swell and turn red and puffy and the skin is really dry...my feet get red and puffy on the bottom and feel like they are on fire with pins poking in them all over. Sometimes it is less painful but I still feel the prickles. So what treatment do I use to lessen the pain? I use a few different ones. One is tee tree oil mixed with the neutralizer. Another is this amazing gel that a friend makes out of dandelions. The tee tree oil is to kill any blisters and things..it also helps soothe the pain. The dandelion gel gets rid of the pain. It is amazing! I wear footies and walk ever so carefully.
I hate the pain and tell God that. I have my moments when I break down and cry because I don't like dealing with all of this. I cry. Sometimes I sob. Then I re-focus on Father telling Him I am sorry for complaining. I remember that bible verse, "do all things without grumbling or complaining." I then tell Father that I know this is minimal and I am thankful to be alive and enjoying my family. I remind Him, as if He needs reminding, that I want to be alive at length for my family.
Sometimes fear comes into play. I realize that I have cancer and that I won't know what is happening until I have a CT scan in January. So fear tries to grip my soul. I tell Father I know He is stronger than the fear and that there is power in the name of Jesus to get rid of that fear. It leaves and I go on with life.
Jesus is LIFE and He has my life in His hands! So, when I start to complain, I then take comfort in knowing that He is allowing me to be here still...enjoying family and friends. When fear tries to get me, I go to Him telling Him what He already knows, that there is no fear in love (He is love) but perfect love casts out fear. Truth!
My hope, trust, and life are all in Him. He is my strength and my hope!
Blessings!
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