~ME Monday~

I'm tired. It's probably a combination of things...not sleeping  well...busy day yesterday...oh and yeah...metastatic breast cancer.

I have come to accept my new norm. I go through days sometimes when I feel I am sleep walking or in some sort of fog. I will look at a pile of dishes in my sink and say to myself, "oh there are dishes to do...hmmm" and go sit on the couch. Then get up a bit later and see the dishes still there and say, "oh the dishes still need to be washed...I guess I'd better do that" and go sit on the couch again...getting up a bit later I will see that the dishes still need to be washed and say, "oh I'd better wash the dishes." This time I will actually wash them. I do similar things with laundry or making meals. I just don't really feel like I am here...but I am and things need to be done.

Two Sundays ago I was finishing my last round of chemo pills and my feet had the worst case of neuropathy I have ever had. Each foot was swollen, red, and puffy on the bottom. My hands were swollen, red, and puffy. My right ankle was extremely swollen. When I stood putting pressure on my feet it felt like they were on fire with needles poking in them EVERYwhere. I prayed for it to go away. I could hardly move as it was more than painful with each step I took. I prayed it away. It began getting better Monday morning.

Some days I forget I have cancer...like when I can walk pain free with just the balls of my feet feeling like they have dead skin on them. Other days I get these little dread thoughts about cancer...so I pray them away...I tell Father...fear is not from You...You are about love...there is no fear in love...perfect love (Jesus)casts out fear. The dread thoughts leave.

So my new norm is to have low energy, be tired often, continue feeding my mind with excellent books and scripture, continue writing, keep that Crazy Peace and the joy of Jesus, continue growing in Jesus and it is so exciting...the things I am learning and reading and about myself. He is an awesome Teacher! Life will go on in Him and with Him...always...this stinkin' cancer isn't going to mess with  that!  I tell Him every day that I cherish our relationship/friendship. I can't imagine life without Him...There wouldn't be life..as HE is Life and He is  my Hope. I fully trust Him!

Blessings!