~New News~

There were days when I was in denial that I had cancer. It was easy to deny it as I feel fine and really have minimal symptoms. Denial came to an abrupt end yesterday as I visited with my oncologist.

My oncologist went over the PET scan report. The breast cancer I had was HR-negative and if I heard her right, only 1% of the women who have that get secondary breast cancer...well I have secondary breast cancer in my upper right lung and in some lymph nodes. When she told me, it didn't really sink in. I am thankful that the cancer is not in my bones or brain...or anywhere else...just in my lung.

I will be receiving chemo treatments after I get the port put in. The treatments will be once a week for two weeks then a break on the third week and begin with the same set up again. She will monitor it and check on how things are going after 3 months and if things are progressing well keep with these chemo meds, if not, drop one of the meds  and add a new one. I would still be taking in two chemo meds. She would then monitor this.

Chemo again...hair loss again...no energy again...this hasn't really all sunk in to my mind, heart, and soul yet. When I begin to think about it, I burst into tears. I burst into tears because I want to be actively involved in the life of my husband, sons, and daughter in law. I remember how I felt on chemo when I had breast cancer.

Then God whispers, "we will get through this! I am your strength! I hold you in my hands!" 

This time will be different. This cancer is incurable...except by the healing of God...so there is no treatment end date. With the breast cancer chemo I had an end date to look forward to. This is why it is so difficult...why I burst into tears...the unknown.

Oh I know, God is in the unknown. God has been "there"...is "here"...and walks "ahead".

What I want to do after I grasp all of this and realize my new routine in life is to focus on Jesus...His Hope, His Peace, His Life and Truth...Trusting in Him for whatever there is to deal with. I want to deal with it all in a positive way.

I am praying for minimal issues with the chemo. One thing I intend to do is sit down with Father and write in my journal the "how to's" of going through all of this. I grin as I think of that because that will be a fun thing to write out with Him. 

I want to live a healthy and long life with my family. I want to fight this thing hard with the help of God. My future is painted by God and He sees the Big picture. He is my Creator who holds my hand and Life and Truth is in Him and IS Him.

He is my All in All. I want to thank friends and family for their prayers and encouragement! You all really help me deal with this cancer thing.

It's funny...last year I was thanking God for all this time I had and would be able to do all sorts of things...including my passion of writing...now my life will have a new routine...I pray to have the mind and energy to read and write. This time, I am praying for energy and comprehension.

In all honesty, having cancer stinks! Treatments stink! I am real...I write my mind, heart, and soul. God and I have had heart to hearts about this cancer. He knows my heart, soul, and mind. 

I know that having a positive attitude helps in any medical situation. I know that laughter is good for the heart, mind, and soul. I really don't know what all I am in for in this adventure...so take it one day at a time :)