~My Mind~

I wish I could accurately explain to you just what all is going on in my mind...have I said that in another blog post? Perhaps...but if so I have forgotten and I don't feel like looking back (grins).

It's like my mind continues to renew itself...that doesn't really accurately explain things though. When I awaken in the morning, it's like I am waking for the first time...like everything is new (I am making a scrunchy face as to how to truly describe this to you as I think). 

Well let me confess this first...sometimes I have these thoughts...I don't know if they are pouty thoughts...sad thoughts...or depressing thoughts...but they are my thoughts...I have thoughts of...wishing I had my eyelashes...wishing I had more strength...wishing I had more energy...wishing I wasn't so tired at times...wishing my stomach would feel more normalish inside...wishing I could be out and about more....those are some of my thoughts I have that sometimes bring tears to my eyes...Oh of course I go back to thanking Father that I am alive...that I can enjoy family time and time with friends...those other thoughts are momentary...I am not a dweller...not on the negative! So that is some of what my mind does...Like I said...I am not sure if they are pouty moments...sad moments...or depressing moments...they just occur.

Now back to the renewal of my mind...it's like I will be going about my day and this "whoosh" will pour over it...the whoosh makes me grin...and I will have like this freshness feeling in my mind. This happens often throughout my day. (grinning here....) when I am on a chemo week...na! It doesn't  happen. The renewal thing happens when I am having a free week...well maybe it also happens at times during my more tolerable week...but anyhow...it's this wash over my mind that extends to my soul...like life is starting over...(shaking my head here) I can't accurately explain it...but...I like it...it is a fresh newness that brings a smile to my face.

Maybe sometime I will be able to describe it to you better. 

This cancer in me? As I said in another post here...it just all seems surreal. My mind doesn't feel like I have it. Well yes, as I said before, the reality is there on my chemo weeks...and I see my bald head every time I look in the mirror so that is a reality...oh yes and the numbness in my fingertips reminds me also...(laughing) but aside from those things...I "don't have cancer".  Pragmatism is my friend!

I got to read a book this week! I prayed it would sink in and I would retain it. I was so glad I was able to concentrate and read! 

Thanks again for reading me...praying for me...and encouraging me...you have no idea how that brightens life for me!