~Livin' LIFE~

Here I sit in fake hair talking to you. I get tired of looking like a chemo lady so once in a while I will wear a wig. The one I am wearing now is a spiffy style...blond and it shows some dark roots like a real hair dye job. It's a cute wig and gives me some softness around my face. The snuggly head things and news boy hats are cute but I feel like I look like one of those styrofoam heads that you set a wig on...like this big bulging face, no lashes on the eyes, a nose, and lips. 

Remember, you read me here at your own risk (grins). I have warned you in previous writings that I let my mind run freely...whatever is on it...comes out here...so it is your choice to read or close the blog.

I am sort of in this melancholy mood. I enjoyed the summer. It went to fast as usual. I feel bad because half of my summer I was dealing with chemo. I had 2 weeks of treatments then 2 weeks off until July 29th. Each treatment chemo "residue" lasted longer and feeling better didn't come as quickly as the time before. The final treatment "fallout" lingered into day 3 or so of the week I was supposed to be feeling better. Okay, so I am complaining. I didn't like that it took time away from my husband and my son. It wasn't fair to them. So, life isn't fair you say! You're darn right it's not! Many have things in their lives that are worse than mine. I know this! 

Of course I know I have much to be thankful for....I am here.,..I am alive...I can be with family...I can enjoy being outside...I can walk...I can sing...I can cook...I can do lots of things!

Oh! I neglected to tell you that at the onset of the first week of chemo...after the first really hellish chemo...I lost feeling in parts of my feet...the balls of my feet...well most of the feeling anyhow. I also got neuropathy in my fingers. My fingertips turned numb. I am beginning to get the feeling back in my feet and in my fingers. I hope the next bit of treatments don't bring back the numbness.

So, yeah, I am melancholy. My son starts school tomorrow and I am one of those moms who love having their kids home...I am a presence lady...just BE here in the same space that I am in and I am happy...content. You don't have to talk to me or anything...just BE! Well, he leaves tomorrow and every day until school is out! My heart is sad. I will cry as I have cried every first day of school since there were first days for my boys. It is an empty feeling in my soul when my son returns to school. 

I am hoping for easier treatments this next time so that I am capable of doing things. I would love it if the cancer was gone! That would be fantastic!!! 

I was reading a "memory" from a year ago today on Facebook. I grinned with a sadness as I remembered it. I was talking about feeling better and that my hair had grown and how much I liked it. I mentioned enjoying the summer and growing in Jesus. It made me think back. I didn't know until December that I had secondary breast cancer. I enjoyed the fall last year. Then I thought, silly lady, you can enjoy the fall and all of this school year again! Cancer doesn't have you! You live your life for and with Father! He holds your hand! You are not about cancer! You are about LIFE! You are about JOY! You are about TRUST! You are about HOPE! You, (I told myself) are about TRUTH...telling and showing others TRUTH! Jesus is TRUTH! THAT is what my life is about!

TRUTH is in my soul! My Life is all about shining Jesus! That is my focus! And Life is about cherishing even the tiniest moment...capturing it to hold dear to my heart forever. Life is about loving people!...searching into the eyes of people to see their soul...showing them compassion. Life is knowing that the Holy Spirit is in me and that in Jesus I have strength and power! Jesus is the Life...the Truth! The Holy Spirit is His breath in me...in my lungs. My soul is made to give Him Praise! That is my desire...for all of my life...to sing, speak, whisper, show praise to Him and for Him always...and to be humble.

Thanks again to those of you who pray for me and encourage me! It means more to me than I can express...even in writing and writing is my passion and oxygen (grins)